Notes ...

Self esteem = -1

2007-06-11T12:55:00.000+08:00

Hey to everyone that have been reading this blog most of the time I bother to write them. As you're probably aware by now, I am quite lazy to write everything down and it takes about 3-4 months, or lately, even a fucking year to blog something. I have to say that ALOT happened in the year I got here. Now, here's my story. It might include or NOT include some things that you know ... I left out some things coz I think it's "inappropriate" to write it down here where everyone, including my parents and so on can read it ;).

Ok so here it goes. ( Btw this has already been typed so yeah, you might find "weird" english at some places. You also gotta note that I barely use english here in everyday use, so it's kinda fading away but heh, I think I can still get my points across and make you understand what I mean.

Ok. After getting here. I volunteered at a NGO teaching english for
financially deprived kids.The bus ride there takes an hour, on a FULLY
packed bus ... After like a month and half, the thing fucks up coz a
chick woos the guy who finances the program. So it fucks up and I quit
there.

After like 2 months, I prepare for my english degree which I pass ....

In about Dec-Jan, I start working on a translation project
(French-English-Myanmar) which was done in the last week of April.

1st week of May, I go and apply for a job at an airline but they told
me that I was too young but they were interested in me coz I traveled
alot. About a week later, I had to have a minor operation coz an
infection got outta control.

3rd week of May, I go apply for another job at a LOCAL airline, and I
am waiting to see if I passed the written exam. The results will be
out on June the 11th. Since the day of the written exam, I've been
feeling crappy and shit and got extremely agressive.

There's also a chance that we might move to NYC or Geneva OR Aust in
like the next year ... So I oono, I'll have to wait and see where life
leads me to this time. I wanna do more studies in France or in Aust
... Oh well ...

And since today's the 11th of June, I went to see my results and as usual with me fucking up things, I am not in the short-listed candidates. Even though I COULD say I had some advantages in languages then the "normal" candidates. Well ... maybe I didn't get in coz I look like shit in photos too. ( People who have seen my pics know that I look like shit in 99% of the pics I take.)

So now, I am completely lost and I have no fucking idea what to do and what to plan for a whole freaking year. The translation project will begin again in Aug-Sept ish , so I kinda got something to look forward to. I could say it's the only thing I am looking forward to. Otherwise then that, I got a whole year to waste, which I don't wanna. So if you know like any job positions which might suit me, don't hesitate to mail me ( Since I am currently in Ygn and I can't move anywhere, I can only take up local jobs) I will email you my CV and stuff if you need to know more about me.

Now, to move onto other things. I miss every single one of you. Most of my mates know that my friends are my REAL family, so for me it's like living without my family. Maybe my wanting to move to Aust is due to the fact that most of my best mates are there now .... I oono ... one day, I MIGHT actually get my paws on a GOOD paying job and save up enough to visit you guys ( Yes, I am talking about you Bal and MZ. Fuck, I do miss you guys :'[ ). I wanna see you too Lyn, my so called "good" twin ;) . If you wanna see me again in Brunei, maybe you're hoping too much, coz I have to admit that 3 years in that place was enough for a lifetime. I mean I could remember every detail in Gadong ... From where Mc D was to Ayamku and The Mall. So Brunei, no thanks :).

Last but not least, I have to thank Weier. You asked me " Bryan, don't you blog anymore ?" So here it is for you, if you ever read it and no, I haven't forgotten you either :) it's just the fact that we got so little to talk about to each other ... Or maybe it's just the fact that we don't see each other that often anymore.

Oh yeah, you guys are used to see quotes from me, and I had a couple of them that were great, but since I don't got net at home and that my comp died, I didn't note them down. So I only got one for you guys atm. Here it is:

"You know, if you have discovered what it means to truely love, you won't care about fucking that hot piece of cunt that walks you by."

I think the same would apply for you girls out there ... but with a different wording of course.

Bah, this is all for now. I think ... I had more things to say, but they some how slipped outta my mind when I was typing. Maybe it had something to do how I really wanted that job and shit ... but oh fuck that shit, who wants me raving like in my old blogs ... haha ... Shit, it's sometimes funny to read your OLD blogs and see how you grow up, if you blog too, read up your old blogs and think, then you'll know what I mean.

If you wanna leave comments, do so, but I think e-mailing your comments to me would be a better way to make sure that I do read them. As for my next blog, I don't know when it'll come. Just be patient if you wanna read it.

Peace

Bryan.

Maaan ... getting old ... 19 now.

2006-08-07T15:31:00.000+08:00

Bah ... So let's get started. My 19th b'day was, fucked up to say. First of all I got into a huge fight with my mum on the previous night. The next morning she said something along the lines of " Get the fuck outta my house" for " Happy b'day Bryan", So I went out the whole day ... Just to find out when I came back that my bro (the really hyper active and annoying one , the one tht Nyan hates) got hospitalized due to Dengue fever and Dysentry ... Well, my plans of locking myself in my room with a bottle of vodka at night was, ruined.

The next day, every single fucking aunt I got came down and said how I am 19 and should be more responsible and etc etc etc ...

Time for more "interesting" things now.

I "KINDA" got my hands on a job as a french tutor.
Plans for scholarship are TOTALLY fucked up. I MIGHT KNOW something new about it tomoz.

I think that's all ppl ...

PS: Thanks for all the B'day wishes. Wish I could be there with you guys.

Peace ...

First blog from burma !!! W000t !!!!

2006-05-08T15:16:00.000+08:00

Woah woah woah ... I've been in this bloody place for a freaking week now ... shit man ... Time flies fucking fast here ... Well ... A little too fast I guess ... I was thinking about coming here yesterday but I decided to stick at home coz I been out too much ... Anyways, here's what I've been up to for the past week.

30th april.

Left brunei.Got here. Met up with a mate. Got online for a bit, then for a few beers (SOMETHING YOU CAN'T GET IN BRUNEI !!!) got home at ... 23:15 PM.

1St May-3rd May,

Reading the books that Tash gave me, didn't come out of my room at all and trying to avoid the fact that I am in burma ... Kinda failed coz of the blackouts ... WHICH BLOWS coz we only get electricity 8 hours a day ...

4th May,

Woke up, cleaned room a bit, went to swimming pool ... Beleive me .. THAT WAS THE MOST filthy pool I've ever seen man ... Bugs EVERYWHERE and all .... brr ... Went home, chilled then headed to the french school in the afternoon to see if there was any courses left for me. Met up with another friend, whom got a job there. She also told me that one of my old friend is getting married the next day. Read up a bit in the library. Bummed a bit, met up with old friends, went home.

5th May,

Woke up, cleaned room a bit, bummed around looked in the yard ... Then I found one of my uncles came over and gave us 2 dogs (I oono the breed so don't ask) the male is named Rambo (corny name) and the female one is called Jackie. Preapared to go to the wedding ... Went there, met with MORE old friends, went to karaoke after wedding :D. BUt then ... I wasn't prepared for what's gonna happen at night -.-.

My dad just started to yell my name at like 3 am and told me that Jackie was gone and he wanted me to get her ... I mean fuck, it's the middle of the night and I was half naked and shit ... Thank god I found her at the entrance of the simpang.

6th May,

Woke up at like 15.00 Coz of last night's thing ... Took shower, cleaned house a bit ... got stuff from old flat and then headed to the music thingy at the french school. got home ... showered reading book and spent another day. On a good note .. I could apply for scholarships the next year and get a job quite soon ... I hope.

7th May,

Been a VERY good boy and stayed at home. Helped clean the house and all .. then in the evening went to swimming pool and met up with a cousin whom I haven't seen for like 5 years. OH YEAH !!! Something wonderful happened that day too :D I recovered the pillow that Lyn gave me. (One of my aunts took it the day I arrived to *tease* me -.-) The perfume's almost gone though ... But still I am glad that I got it back. Lyn was thinking about iving me a thong or something ... Mannnn ... I can't imagine what the bloody hell would happen if she DID give me that. :S

8 May,

Woke up at like 4 AM for no reason. Reading the books that Tash gave me again + 2 other books. at like 9 I went down and helped my mum with laundry and stuff and then at 12 something, I left home to get to the net café. Now, it' s 14.20 and I am like 20 mins late to meet up with 2 ppl so I'll stop here...

In short ... I really miss you all in Brunei and I have no words to express it ... I know I am sounding emo and shit .. But it's true ... Gonna miss bumming at the mall and drinking the coffee and kicking Lyn's ass at the DDR :) Oh well ... I do hope that I can see you guys soon.

Peace ...

PS : Leave me messages coz that's the only way I'll know about you guys, Don't hesitate to send mails too :)

Last blog... For a VERY LONG time.

2006-04-23T02:37:00.000+08:00

Well ... I am packing up my comp in 6-12 hours and this is very likely to be the last time I can get online in Brunei. I just wanted to tell everyone who cared enough to leave me little messages goodbye and all that during all these years that I have been here. I am gonna miss all you guys. I will try to blog more from burma IF 1) I can access net and it won't cost me fuck loads. 2) if the censorship there doesn't block off the site and 3) If I can remmeber the password to this account haha. Oh yeah, if you live in Brunei and if you wanna send me off, be at the airport on the 30th of april at around 9 AM. The flight leaves at 10.40 AM. If I know you and if you ain't there, I am gonna stalk you (SOMEHOW) and kick you ass so hard that you'll get a free trip to the moon. Just pray that I would be able to get outta burma Very soon. Otherwise, you willl see me in 3 years time :) or 5 ...

Peace ...

PS: ISB dance was wicked ! =D

Goodbye Brunei ...

2006-03-23T01:36:00.000+08:00

Well ... I know you must be thinking wtf ... Coz I blogged so soon (by my standards) to the last blog. Well. I am leaving Brunei for Burma ( if you don't know wot burma is please use google) :( and we're leaving on the 27th april (apparently). We started packing up today, and goddamn, it took me 2 hours to shove a buncha books,cd's tapes and stuff into 2 boxes which are already half filled. [hint] Wish I had some help packing up all this shit coz it drives me nuts everytime I have to do it [/hint] It's alwys packing the damn house up in like 25-30 days. To be honest, I am not at all looking towards going back to Burma.The whole country could just blow up any second ... Then I talked to my dad 1 day about how I felt about the whole situation there, and he went like " Bryan, I am warning you now, don't get involved in politics when you get back there, there's nothing you can do. So just study hard, and get the fuck outta there." I mean what the hell.. It's that kinda attitude that encourages pasivity and digs the country into deeper shit.
Later that night I had contact with my mate who was there and she told me about the things that happened to my former classmates.Beleive me, thats one of the most screwed up things I've ever heard. First of all, she told me about the guy who used to fail every single subject in the monthly exams. Apparently, he's now a filthy rich drug lord or something ... Then another scumbag is an apparently succeful buisness man with his own house and car ( note that a car in burma is at least 10 times more expensive then Burnei and it's used up ). Another guy, not so bad as the 2 above is a hip hop singer ... Most of all, the people who was all good (like me) and studied hard ( No, I didn't study that much if you were wondering ) are at the bottom the guy who the whole school thought that he could be one of the best in the whole damn country (56 mil people) is only at medical college. I mean wot the bloddy fuck is wrong with this world ?! Why all the good hardworking people get the shit part in life ? When I get back there, the best chance I got is complete my degree, hope I can continue to masters, get a scholarship and get outta that bloddy place, which could take up to 5 years ... Or I could TOTALLY fuck my life up and be stuck there forever which is more likely then anything, but if THAT happens I'll just jump off a building or something. Would be easier then trying to jump off a building in Brunei anyways coz there's loads of high buildings there -muahahaha-. Don't try telling me that my parents would do anything for me coz I know they're just waiting to kick me out.
This MIGHT be the last blog coz I won't be able to afford net in Burma, and even if I could, the govt firewalls might block off the site ... but I got a way around that -grin- But yeah, its more likely to be the monies part. There are loads of other things in my head that I wanna share with you people, if there's any readers. But things that I wanna tell just remains stuck in a corner of my head and I don't know how to get them out ... -sigh- I am gonna miss the people here, although I woulden't wanna come back here for ANY REASON AT ALL, I would come back to visit my mates ( mainly Bal and if he's still stuck here by then).Heh, who knows maybe I'll hit it big there ( like by dealing some drugs or something else ) and pay you guys a visit wherever you are ! =) Oh well, life goes on I guess. If you can afford it, do come and visit me there coz I won't be able to stand the retards there and I might go simply insane (well, more then I am now.)

Peace ...

I am alive !

2006-03-04T23:34:00.000+08:00

Hello people. I know the last time I posted was like 3 months ago. But I am still alive, and today I am in the mood to post so,let's do it. In the past 3 months, I could say a buncha things happened. First of all, I finally settled down here, kinda like emotionally and all but then I found out that I'll have to move in less then 5 months.I mean fuck that shit. Every 4 years, it's the same bloddy thing. Move to a place, struggle to settle and shit and when I am settled in that place, I gotta pack up and move to start the whole process all over again. Drives me fucking nuts.
Well, on a good kinda side, my depression kinda went away. I am seeing life in a new light ... bla bla bla. Found out 2 days ago that I passed my second year in college (w00t ? ) I am graduating next year with a bloddy degree. Eh, who knows, my dream of having "doctor" as a prefix in my name by 25 MIGHT still come true. Well, not the doc that treates people, but a Ph.D kinda one, you know wot I mean.
On another note, I did some fun things the last 2 weeks ish (I have a VERY poor sense of time). First of all, I met Lyn, through Teo, (can't exactly remember how now.) Went to the movies to watch Pink Panther with her like 3 days later. Next day, we went to Alison's for lunch. My god, that was like fun and exhausting. I had to cook This thing they made me do .. Which took me a fucking 1.30 hours haha, Lyn was in charge of the desert, ( Mousse au chocolat ) and she didn't wanna bake the mousse .. I mean, have you EVER heard of a mousse au chocolat that wasn't baked ? ( raw eggs brrr ). But then again, Her mousse was better then my sauce haha. It looked indian ( I know I added too much mustard so shattap ).
Next day, we headed to berakas beach at like 7 AM. We just bummed at the beach for like a few hours there and then we headed to gadong. Where we ditched Clinton's ice box at West Street ;) and bummed at another shop for a "while". Oh yeah, I met my neighbour, Felicia too :). She lives like 3 houses down the lane and I never saw her around before (wtf ! ). I guess it's a brunei thing for not to know your neighbours till like 3 years later :P.
Yesterday, I slept over at Bal's and watched The Notebook. Yeah I know it's more of a chick movie but who gives a damn ? I reallly enjoyed it =). I wanna watch it again, but not alone coz the movie was just not meant to be watched alone.
Bah ... Now I am in the mood to drink and waiting for my parents to sleep so that I can get drunk off my ass. Now, all I gotta hope is that my firewall won't screw me over so that I wont have to type this all over again.

Oh yeah ! If there's anyone who read this, leave me some songs worth getting coz I am getting bored of my music.

Peace ...

PS: Random thoughts : Being in love somewhat makes you a more responsible person, coz you try and not to fuck up so that you can be there for that person.

Merry x mas and Happy new year =D

2005-12-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

Ho ho ho !!! Merry X mas and a happy new year !!! Get pissed,laid, high or whatever the fuck you can for me ! Now time for other things ... Here's some of my convos which I think are quote worthy.

" Life's like a giant Jigsaw puzzle. Everything is like a piece of it and when you know about some things, everything just falls in place."

( Me on something that I was talking with MZ a few mins ago. )

" Moms are like those little 3 eyed aliens from Toy Story. They all say the same things and act the same way."

( Me on MOthers behaviour. )

" Girls come and girls go, the only thing that changes, is who they blow. "

( Chuck's Msn message a while back. )

" When a person dies, a library is lost."

( From some author that I can't remember.)

Peace ...

More quotes.

2005-12-23T01:27:00.000+08:00

Merry x-mas people. I know that barely anyone reads this anymore, but what the hell. Today, I went playing Chin Lone, basically a rattan ball that you gotta keep in the air as long as you can. Had fun, then I went out driving,in the traffic with KY's car for the first time. SUPRISINGLY I didn't mess up at all !!! Gave him a scare though. Heheheheheh. Tommorow, I am headed to the movies to watch King Kong. Happy belated b'day Jacquelyn (l). Now, more quotes and thoughts from me and my world :). Enjoy and please leave comments. I am still wondering why I didn't get comments last time :-s.

" Happiness is an illusion of sufering, you always want more and when it's gone, you're miserable. "

( Some buddhist teaching that stuck in my head.)

"hon,only tin cans need labels.."

( Jacquelyn to me when I started to rant about posers at The Mall.)

" Come over to the dark side ! says:
You can't satisfy assholes.
Come over to the dark side ! says:
You just mov on on em.
Come over to the dark side ! says:
It's as if you were trying to punch a 5ft thick concrete wall and saying I'll make it through this.
Come over to the dark side ! says:
You'll have all your bones broken but that wall will still be there.
Come over to the dark side ! says:
Move on.
Come over to the dark side ! says:
Life
Come over to the dark side ! says:
Life's too short to cater assholes. "

( Me to Bal on something he had a hard time getting over. ) Yes, I know it's full of typos ...

That's all from me for now.

Peace ...

Random quotes and thoughts.

2005-12-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

Well, I haven't updated my blog in AGES, partly coz I was too fucking lazy and partly coz I got nothing to say.I did try to update in NOv, but after typing for 30 mins, my firewall fucked me up and logged out so I got pissed and didn'y update.I also noticed that spilling my heart out on every single fucking thing isn't my way to express my thoughts. So I am gonna post sinppets of convos, My own thoughts which I particularly liked or like. If my thoughts make you think or laugh, I think my job's done. Oh yeah, I am gonna use the names of the persons which I had the convo with. So if you want the convo or namr taken off, Don't hesitate to tell me.

' Don't be nice to people, you always get shit back.'

( A thought that came into my head when I was talking to bal about my maid's behaviour towards me although I considered her as a sister )

' When you're a ..... There's only 2 things for you. It's what you wanna be and what you can't be. There's nothing you can be. '

( My thought on my origins. Which I won't tell you. If you know it, Keep it shut. )

' There's 6 bil people on earth, but only 3% of it are human. '

( Me talking to Jackie on Runescape about how good people are rare on this earth. )

' If you want me you gotta take the whole package whether I am a hyperactive nutter bouncing off the walls or a guy who's thinking about jumping off a building the next day '

( That was me talking to Jackie on Runescape about a chick who didn't want me coz they thought I was gothic when I was having a hard time adjusting to life here.)

' Person 1 : Can I have free stuff pelase ?
Me : I gotta save 25 mil for x mas gifts. Care to lend me a hand ?
Person 1 : - Walks away - '

( That's also on runescape about people deserting you once they know you're poorer then them. Sad enough, that's also the case in real life.'

' God !!! Grow some balls and stand up to your parents MZ !!! Wait ... hang on ... You're a chick so you can't grow balls.'

( Me to MZ about how asian chicks are afraid to stand up to their parents. )

' I would trust my life in the hands on my mates, but not the hands of my family. '

( My thought about how important my friends to me. )

' Me : ( telling to bal something I promised to keep a secret . )

Bal : LAughs about that and tells me something secret and asks me to keep shut.

Me : ' Since when I was known to divulge secrets ?

Bal : - Points above. -

Me : Oh shit ... '

( Me on how I would release information as I see fit. )

' Buy land, they don't make that anymore. '

( Pierre AKA Pie's MSN name about 2 months ago . )

' A true friend stabs you in the front '

( Sarah's MSN note. )

'Some person who met me not long ago : Are you white ? Aussie ? Brit ?

Me : Nope I am 999% asian lol !

Some person who met me not long ago : How come you know english so well ?

Me : I was born in Canada, my mom used to teach english at a uni and I am preparing a drgree in english ?

Some person who met me not long ago : ... BUllshit !

Me : ... '

( About some people who think I am white. )

' So many people looking for happiness ... Expecting more of a brighter day ... You'd sell your soul running from loneliness ... Instead of giving yourself away ... '

( Some lyrics from a song that I like : DJ Encore - Walking in the Sky. )

' We males are evil o.o , We can literally brainwash people.'

( Me to Jackie about the behaviour of a person after she met a guy )

' Friend : Are you sure you want me to have this ?

Me : Since when I was not sure of anything ?

Friend : OKay :) '

( Me bluffing people to make them not hesitate about anything. )

Yeah, This is evrything I remember for now. Feel free to leave any comments about your thoughts on mine, If you don't like em, You can fuck off, go screw a cactus and die. If you want your name taken off or something tell me.

Peace ...

Why are we here ? What are we fighting for ?

2005-08-08T05:42:00.000+08:00

I slipped into this ... 'thinking' mood again recently and as I was watching tv ( London bombers thing ) it just ticked ... I mean .. All these wars, conflitcs and stuff like that aren't caused by our will to survive .. but more like our will to propagate our 'philosophies' ... and to protect them ... If I had to bring some examples up ... It could be ... war on Iraq ( although it wasn't purely the cause of democracy. Bush still coud still use it as a cover for other reasons which I won't go in detail. ) . and the london bombings ( which is in the case to protect and in some way propagate the idealogy ). These 'philosophies' were born to make this world a better place ... But I can't quite understand how people can 'transform' those 'good' idealogies into idealogies that destroy life ... Maybe I am trying to understand something which is far beyond my reach ... Yeah ... I think i've rambled enough ... It's ok if you dont get what I mean .. but it's just a thing that struck me ...

Peace ...

18 today ..

2005-08-02T04:26:00.000+08:00

I just turned 18 ... Trying to get wasted ... Failed so far :P But I gote more beers for that :P ... Umm .. When iwake up ... I'ma either lock myself in my room to avoid potentially extremely bitchy parents .. or go out ... I'ma miss being a minor ... I mean like .. I can't do shit no more and get away with it ... Oh well, that's life and I guess I gotta move on ...

Peace ...

Sick ...

2005-07-29T00:48:00.000+08:00

For the last few days ... Since I got back from Tutong .. I've been sick ... until today ... I think I am recovering now ( Let's hope that I recover ) ... I've been doing basically nothing .... Except for the fact that I got my hands on an english version of the Al-Quran ... It's an interesting read and I hope to finish it .. My b'day's in .. 3 days .. but I ain't looking forward to it though ... I think that's all ...

Peace ...

Thoughts .... thoughts ... thoughts ...

2005-07-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

Been 5 days since my last entry ... I haven't written anything coz .. Most of the time .. I have my parents behind my back and I hate them reading over my shoulders and when they're gone, I am just, too lazy to enter anything.I think I forgot to mention that I am EXTREMELY lazy ... ON the side bar thing ... Anyways ... I DID make it to the movies on the 20th ( after taking 2 mouthfuls of Paracetamol liquid ). I think I took a bit too much coz when I stepped outta the car I coulden't see who it was when the person was like ... 5feet infront of me haha .. ( but that didnt stop me from taking 2 grams of paracetamol in less then 30 mins afterwards ).I didn't see Fantastic 4, instead I finished watching War of the worlds. The movie was ok in general but the ending was poorly presented. The only thing that struck me during the movie is how humans strive for their survival and basically don't give a shit about others when something of cataclysmic propotions happen ) part about the car getting stolen ) But then again, there are still people out there who would carry handicapped people 70 storeys inside a building which might collapse any moment ... How on fucking earth does the human head works ? That still puzzles me everytime I think about it. Otherwise, the movie failed to leave me with any thoughts that would normall buzz in my mind for ... a few hours. I went home with Nyan and we talked about random shit ... Mostely rants about out parents .. ( I think ) .. But there were others things that we talked about .. But yeah, he might kick my ass if I said it here ... And I think he woulden't want me to say ... But at that moment I realsied, We ( teenagers ) might all seem different on the outside, but somehow on the inside, we're all kinda similar somehow ... ( I didn't draw this conclusion from Nyan alone so read on ). Then after talking and shit ... I went to watch TV and fell asleep on the couch.Nothing much interesting happened for 24 hours ... Or more ... Till yesterday evening ... I woke up to find my mom bitching at eveything ... Including me as usual ... ( I think it's a hobby of hers to just ... bitch at me ) . I just drowned myself in my music .. At full blast ... Sadly, I could hear her still bitching about me WITH my headphones on at max ... I fucking swear .. I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to run in the kitchen, grab a knife and just knock her over, then plunge it in her neck till she shuts the fuck up ... I managed to cool down with the music ... But yeah .. If it wasn't for music, I'd be insane and be a murderer by now ... I dunno what happened for about ... 2 hours after I managed to cool down ... Until I started reading a friend's blog ... The english was like ..... WoAH ! Honestly, I didn't make much outta it ... But I only knew what it meant from linking what I know about her and some words that I could understand in the blog.But it was scary ... The words are very strong ... Then again .. something ticked in my head .. It's kinda ironic how we're surrounded by people, friends, family ... etc. but deep down, most of us are lonely in a way somehow ... and have this 'part' of us that is missing... And it needs to be filled ... I wondered maybe that's how religions are born. From people who seek this part of them to be fufilled and that religious teachinngs are there just to fill that gap and apease the human mind. I myself don't beleive in ANY religion, but I might 'beleive' one just to fufill that missing gap ... I said I might ... not that I will ... Then I bummed around and went to sleep ... Today, I went to a football match ( Myanmar vs Singapore ) . Myanmar got it's ass whopped ( as usual ) but heh ... at least I got out of the house. Umm ... Something fun did happen there. During half time , I got hungry so Nyan and me went down for some food ( I stil owe you 3 bucks nigga ) .Then When we had to go back, I noticed that I never got a ticket ( I used the VIP entrance with my 'family' ). So I decided it use it again. We went there and there were like these 2 'buff' guys there and I started opening the door, and the guy was like .. ' Who are you ? ' And I was like ' I came with A VIP ' and then pointed at the car with a white plate parked nearby... And the guy didn't ask shit no more ... I swear .. It's not like I did not came with the VIP but the security was lax man ... ( the same path was used by the crown prince later, or so I think. ) I coulda plant a fucking bomb in there for fuck's sake ! That's all for this note ... I am waiting for comments ...

Peace ...

PS: Oh yeah ... For people who are having particularly dark thoughts ... You should get these songs ...
Bobby Gaylor - Suicide Song

Good Charlotte - Hold On

PS 2 : There was an anonymous guy/chick (whatever on earth you are ... ) asking me about one of my distant cousins ... I mean ... How the fuck do people know so much shit about me ?! -.- .... That's all .. I think ...

Peace ...

The beauty of nature ...

2005-07-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

Today, I had a picnic at the beach in tutong ( a small town which is like ... 30 mins drive away from where I live ... ) Was nice ... everything was ... ok ... and about at 6.30 PM ish .. Nearly everyone was swimming ( I didn't coz I couldn't be arsed to change and be all wet for a 30 min ride ). Since I didn't swim ... I was walking around the beach wtih my shoes off in the water and looking at the sun set ... And my fucking god ... It was damn beautiful ... I just wanted to have that 'special someone' in my arms ... and just listen to some songs ... But yea ... I don't think that'll happen anytime soon ... -.-. I once seriously though about ending my life after my 18th b'day ... But .. after seeing that sunset. I realised that I am gonna miss alota things out if I did ... if I DID end my life ... I am not only gonna miss sunsets ... But music,candy and loads of other shit ... So, I am gonna give that thought another try ... I used to worry how ... I woulden't be able to make myself happy ... And worse, if I get settled and married, How I woulden't be able to make my family happy and shit .. But ... after seeing that sunset everything changed ... I see infront of my eyes some ppl who ain't doing as well as us ( or at least I think they ain't doing well ) ... But they all seem happy and they are still trying .. To be better ... And perhaps, I might try that when it's my turn ... ( if that ever happens .) And if everything still DO fuck up ... It'll be easier for me to get a gun or some shit ... ( coz, I'll be legal by then hahah . ) And at that moment, my dad called me coz we were going back home ... So my thoughts ended there .. By the time I got to the car, I had a running nose ... And I caught a cold -.- . Other things then this boring shit ? I am going out tommorow to watch Fantastic 4.I am gonna eat paracetamol pills like candy tonight so that I'l be fine tommorow ... Umm ... Oh yeah ! Nyan's borrowing me that new HP book when he's done !YAY ! :P Yeah, this is all for now ... Thank you for reading through all this shit ...

Peace ...

PS : Don't mind the inchorence ... I am sick and I can't think straight .. The music I wanted to listen to was ... Something Corporate - Konstantine , Savage Garden - Truely Madly Deeply , DJ Sammy - We're In Heaven ( Candlelight Mix ) and DJ Sammy - Sunlight .All in that order ...

Love ? Understanding ?

2005-07-17T02:15:00.000+08:00

Everything started out as normal today ... ( woke at ... 6 PM ish ). Heard the car humming, so I asked where we were going and I hopped on ( after showering and shit of course. ) My mom told me that we were going to one of her friend's anniversary ... When I got there, I looked at the banner, and I saw ' Happy 30TH aniversary' I was like WOAH !?!?!? 30 years ! I mean, nowadays, people rarely even stay for ... 10-15 years togeather ... while this couple ... 30 years ... Of course I've seen like 100 year old couples who've been togeather for like 80 years and shit ... but this is something like real ... Sadly, there are couples who have kids, 3-7 years later break up ... And the end result ? kids suffering and long divorces and all that shit ... I mean ... for someone of my age, I consider that normal nowadays ... And I wonder why some marriages last like .. 3 billon years ( sorry for the exaggeration .. ). Other news ? It's startng to rain ... OOOH ! I want that new Harry Potter book :P, and I gotta caddie my dad in a few hours ... ( I woulden't have done it if I ain't getting paid haha ). Hopefully, the course won't allow caddies, so that I could doze off in the car ... I think that's all for now ...

Peace ...

( PS: I think anyone can post comments now ... I am still messing around ... )

Intro ...

2005-07-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

Ok, I've been meaning to make this blog for a very long time, but due to many reasons, I didn't. Today, I am feeling calm and content and all so I started this. I'll use this blog to share about my life ( as if that would be interesting.), my opinions about the world, and ask questions and so on ... Otherwise, I am feeling great,calm and content ( which is abnormal for me ).What else ? I am listening to Konstantine by Something Corporate and playing Runescape. I recommend you to get the song if you have the time. I am sure you're fucking bored by now so I'll stop ... I'd wanna see your comments and shit in my future notes ....

Peace ...