Self esteem = -1

Hey to everyone that have been reading this blog most of the time I bother to write them. As you're probably aware by now, I am quite lazy to write everything down and it takes about 3-4 months, or lately, even a fucking year to blog something. I have to say that ALOT happened in the year I got here. Now, here's my story. It might include or NOT include some things that you know ... I left out some things coz I think it's "inappropriate" to write it down here where everyone, including my parents and so on can read it ;).

Ok so here it goes. ( Btw this has already been typed so yeah, you might find "weird" english at some places. You also gotta note that I barely use english here in everyday use, so it's kinda fading away but heh, I think I can still get my points across and make you understand what I mean.

Ok. After getting here. I volunteered at a NGO teaching english for
financially deprived kids.The bus ride there takes an hour, on a FULLY
packed bus ... After like a month and half, the thing fucks up coz a
chick woos the guy who finances the program. So it fucks up and I quit
there.

After like 2 months, I prepare for my english degree which I pass ....

In about Dec-Jan, I start working on a translation project
(French-English-Myanmar) which was done in the last week of April.

1st week of May, I go and apply for a job at an airline but they told
me that I was too young but they were interested in me coz I traveled
alot. About a week later, I had to have a minor operation coz an
infection got outta control.

3rd week of May, I go apply for another job at a LOCAL airline, and I
am waiting to see if I passed the written exam. The results will be
out on June the 11th. Since the day of the written exam, I've been
feeling crappy and shit and got extremely agressive.

There's also a chance that we might move to NYC or Geneva OR Aust in
like the next year ... So I oono, I'll have to wait and see where life
leads me to this time. I wanna do more studies in France or in Aust
... Oh well ...

And since today's the 11th of June, I went to see my results and as usual with me fucking up things, I am not in the short-listed candidates. Even though I COULD say I had some advantages in languages then the "normal" candidates. Well ... maybe I didn't get in coz I look like shit in photos too. ( People who have seen my pics know that I look like shit in 99% of the pics I take.)

So now, I am completely lost and I have no fucking idea what to do and what to plan for a whole freaking year. The translation project will begin again in Aug-Sept ish , so I kinda got something to look forward to. I could say it's the only thing I am looking forward to. Otherwise then that, I got a whole year to waste, which I don't wanna. So if you know like any job positions which might suit me, don't hesitate to mail me ( Since I am currently in Ygn and I can't move anywhere, I can only take up local jobs) I will email you my CV and stuff if you need to know more about me.

Now, to move onto other things. I miss every single one of you. Most of my mates know that my friends are my REAL family, so for me it's like living without my family. Maybe my wanting to move to Aust is due to the fact that most of my best mates are there now .... I oono ... one day, I MIGHT actually get my paws on a GOOD paying job and save up enough to visit you guys ( Yes, I am talking about you Bal and MZ. Fuck, I do miss you guys :'[ ). I wanna see you too Lyn, my so called "good" twin ;) . If you wanna see me again in Brunei, maybe you're hoping too much, coz I have to admit that 3 years in that place was enough for a lifetime. I mean I could remember every detail in Gadong ... From where Mc D was to Ayamku and The Mall. So Brunei, no thanks :).

Last but not least, I have to thank Weier. You asked me " Bryan, don't you blog anymore ?" So here it is for you, if you ever read it and no, I haven't forgotten you either :) it's just the fact that we got so little to talk about to each other ... Or maybe it's just the fact that we don't see each other that often anymore.

Oh yeah, you guys are used to see quotes from me, and I had a couple of them that were great, but since I don't got net at home and that my comp died, I didn't note them down. So I only got one for you guys atm. Here it is:

"You know, if you have discovered what it means to truely love, you won't care about fucking that hot piece of cunt that walks you by."

I think the same would apply for you girls out there ... but with a different wording of course.

Bah, this is all for now. I think ... I had more things to say, but they some how slipped outta my mind when I was typing. Maybe it had something to do how I really wanted that job and shit ... but oh fuck that shit, who wants me raving like in my old blogs ... haha ... Shit, it's sometimes funny to read your OLD blogs and see how you grow up, if you blog too, read up your old blogs and think, then you'll know what I mean.

If you wanna leave comments, do so, but I think e-mailing your comments to me would be a better way to make sure that I do read them. As for my next blog, I don't know when it'll come. Just be patient if you wanna read it.

Peace

Bryan.

Maaan ... getting old ... 19 now.

Bah ... So let's get started. My 19th b'day was, fucked up to say. First of all I got into a huge fight with my mum on the previous night. The next morning she said something along the lines of " Get the fuck outta my house" for " Happy b'day Bryan", So I went out the whole day ... Just to find out when I came back that my bro (the really hyper active and annoying one , the one tht Nyan hates) got hospitalized due to Dengue fever and Dysentry ... Well, my plans of locking myself in my room with a bottle of vodka at night was, ruined.

The next day, every single fucking aunt I got came down and said how I am 19 and should be more responsible and etc etc etc ...

Time for more "interesting" things now.

I "KINDA" got my hands on a job as a french tutor.
Plans for scholarship are TOTALLY fucked up. I MIGHT KNOW something new about it tomoz.


I think that's all ppl ...

PS: Thanks for all the B'day wishes. Wish I could be there with you guys.

Peace ...

First blog from burma !!! W000t !!!!

Woah woah woah ... I've been in this bloody place for a freaking week now ... shit man ... Time flies fucking fast here ... Well ... A little too fast I guess ... I was thinking about coming here yesterday but I decided to stick at home coz I been out too much ... Anyways, here's what I've been up to for the past week.

30th april.

Left brunei.Got here. Met up with a mate. Got online for a bit, then for a few beers (SOMETHING YOU CAN'T GET IN BRUNEI !!!) got home at ... 23:15 PM.

1St May-3rd May,

Reading the books that Tash gave me, didn't come out of my room at all and trying to avoid the fact that I am in burma ... Kinda failed coz of the blackouts ... WHICH BLOWS coz we only get electricity 8 hours a day ...

4th May,

Woke up, cleaned room a bit, went to swimming pool ... Beleive me .. THAT WAS THE MOST filthy pool I've ever seen man ... Bugs EVERYWHERE and all .... brr ... Went home, chilled then headed to the french school in the afternoon to see if there was any courses left for me. Met up with another friend, whom got a job there. She also told me that one of my old friend is getting married the next day. Read up a bit in the library. Bummed a bit, met up with old friends, went home.

5th May,

Woke up, cleaned room a bit, bummed around looked in the yard ... Then I found one of my uncles came over and gave us 2 dogs (I oono the breed so don't ask) the male is named Rambo (corny name) and the female one is called Jackie. Preapared to go to the wedding ... Went there, met with MORE old friends, went to karaoke after wedding :D. BUt then ... I wasn't prepared for what's gonna happen at night -.-.

My dad just started to yell my name at like 3 am and told me that Jackie was gone and he wanted me to get her ... I mean fuck, it's the middle of the night and I was half naked and shit ... Thank god I found her at the entrance of the simpang.

6th May,

Woke up at like 15.00 Coz of last night's thing ... Took shower, cleaned house a bit ... got stuff from old flat and then headed to the music thingy at the french school. got home ... showered reading book and spent another day. On a good note .. I could apply for scholarships the next year and get a job quite soon ... I hope.

7th May,

Been a VERY good boy and stayed at home. Helped clean the house and all .. then in the evening went to swimming pool and met up with a cousin whom I haven't seen for like 5 years. OH YEAH !!! Something wonderful happened that day too :D I recovered the pillow that Lyn gave me. (One of my aunts took it the day I arrived to *tease* me -.-) The perfume's almost gone though ... But still I am glad that I got it back. Lyn was thinking about iving me a thong or something ... Mannnn ... I can't imagine what the bloody hell would happen if she DID give me that. :S

8 May,

Woke up at like 4 AM for no reason. Reading the books that Tash gave me again + 2 other books. at like 9 I went down and helped my mum with laundry and stuff and then at 12 something, I left home to get to the net café. Now, it' s 14.20 and I am like 20 mins late to meet up with 2 ppl so I'll stop here...

In short ... I really miss you all in Brunei and I have no words to express it ... I know I am sounding emo and shit .. But it's true ... Gonna miss bumming at the mall and drinking the coffee and kicking Lyn's ass at the DDR :) Oh well ... I do hope that I can see you guys soon.

Peace ...

PS : Leave me messages coz that's the only way I'll know about you guys, Don't hesitate to send mails too :)

Last blog... For a VERY LONG time.

Well ... I am packing up my comp in 6-12 hours and this is very likely to be the last time I can get online in Brunei. I just wanted to tell everyone who cared enough to leave me little messages goodbye and all that during all these years that I have been here. I am gonna miss all you guys. I will try to blog more from burma IF 1) I can access net and it won't cost me fuck loads. 2) if the censorship there doesn't block off the site and 3) If I can remmeber the password to this account haha. Oh yeah, if you live in Brunei and if you wanna send me off, be at the airport on the 30th of april at around 9 AM. The flight leaves at 10.40 AM. If I know you and if you ain't there, I am gonna stalk you (SOMEHOW) and kick you ass so hard that you'll get a free trip to the moon. Just pray that I would be able to get outta burma Very soon. Otherwise, you willl see me in 3 years time :) or 5 ...

Peace ...

PS: ISB dance was wicked ! =D

Goodbye Brunei ...

Well ... I know you must be thinking wtf ... Coz I blogged so soon (by my standards) to the last blog. Well. I am leaving Brunei for Burma ( if you don't know wot burma is please use google) :( and we're leaving on the 27th april (apparently). We started packing up today, and goddamn, it took me 2 hours to shove a buncha books,cd's tapes and stuff into 2 boxes which are already half filled. [hint] Wish I had some help packing up all this shit coz it drives me nuts everytime I have to do it [/hint] It's alwys packing the damn house up in like 25-30 days. To be honest, I am not at all looking towards going back to Burma.The whole country could just blow up any second ... Then I talked to my dad 1 day about how I felt about the whole situation there, and he went like " Bryan, I am warning you now, don't get involved in politics when you get back there, there's nothing you can do. So just study hard, and get the fuck outta there." I mean what the hell.. It's that kinda attitude that encourages pasivity and digs the country into deeper shit.
Later that night I had contact with my mate who was there and she told me about the things that happened to my former classmates.Beleive me, thats one of the most screwed up things I've ever heard. First of all, she told me about the guy who used to fail every single subject in the monthly exams. Apparently, he's now a filthy rich drug lord or something ... Then another scumbag is an apparently succeful buisness man with his own house and car ( note that a car in burma is at least 10 times more expensive then Burnei and it's used up ). Another guy, not so bad as the 2 above is a hip hop singer ... Most of all, the people who was all good (like me) and studied hard ( No, I didn't study that much if you were wondering ) are at the bottom the guy who the whole school thought that he could be one of the best in the whole damn country (56 mil people) is only at medical college. I mean wot the bloddy fuck is wrong with this world ?! Why all the good hardworking people get the shit part in life ? When I get back there, the best chance I got is complete my degree, hope I can continue to masters, get a scholarship and get outta that bloddy place, which could take up to 5 years ... Or I could TOTALLY fuck my life up and be stuck there forever which is more likely then anything, but if THAT happens I'll just jump off a building or something. Would be easier then trying to jump off a building in Brunei anyways coz there's loads of high buildings there -muahahaha-. Don't try telling me that my parents would do anything for me coz I know they're just waiting to kick me out.
This MIGHT be the last blog coz I won't be able to afford net in Burma, and even if I could, the govt firewalls might block off the site ... but I got a way around that -grin- But yeah, its more likely to be the monies part. There are loads of other things in my head that I wanna share with you people, if there's any readers. But things that I wanna tell just remains stuck in a corner of my head and I don't know how to get them out ... -sigh- I am gonna miss the people here, although I woulden't wanna come back here for ANY REASON AT ALL, I would come back to visit my mates ( mainly Bal and if he's still stuck here by then).Heh, who knows maybe I'll hit it big there ( like by dealing some drugs or something else ) and pay you guys a visit wherever you are ! =) Oh well, life goes on I guess. If you can afford it, do come and visit me there coz I won't be able to stand the retards there and I might go simply insane (well, more then I am now.)

Peace ...

I am alive !

Hello people. I know the last time I posted was like 3 months ago. But I am still alive, and today I am in the mood to post so,let's do it. In the past 3 months, I could say a buncha things happened. First of all, I finally settled down here, kinda like emotionally and all but then I found out that I'll have to move in less then 5 months.I mean fuck that shit. Every 4 years, it's the same bloddy thing. Move to a place, struggle to settle and shit and when I am settled in that place, I gotta pack up and move to start the whole process all over again. Drives me fucking nuts.
Well, on a good kinda side, my depression kinda went away. I am seeing life in a new light ... bla bla bla. Found out 2 days ago that I passed my second year in college (w00t ? ) I am graduating next year with a bloddy degree. Eh, who knows, my dream of having "doctor" as a prefix in my name by 25 MIGHT still come true. Well, not the doc that treates people, but a Ph.D kinda one, you know wot I mean.
On another note, I did some fun things the last 2 weeks ish (I have a VERY poor sense of time). First of all, I met Lyn, through Teo, (can't exactly remember how now.) Went to the movies to watch Pink Panther with her like 3 days later. Next day, we went to Alison's for lunch. My god, that was like fun and exhausting. I had to cook This thing they made me do .. Which took me a fucking 1.30 hours haha, Lyn was in charge of the desert, ( Mousse au chocolat ) and she didn't wanna bake the mousse .. I mean, have you EVER heard of a mousse au chocolat that wasn't baked ? ( raw eggs brrr ). But then again, Her mousse was better then my sauce haha. It looked indian ( I know I added too much mustard so shattap ).
Next day, we headed to berakas beach at like 7 AM. We just bummed at the beach for like a few hours there and then we headed to gadong. Where we ditched Clinton's ice box at West Street ;) and bummed at another shop for a "while". Oh yeah, I met my neighbour, Felicia too :). She lives like 3 houses down the lane and I never saw her around before (wtf ! ). I guess it's a brunei thing for not to know your neighbours till like 3 years later :P.
Yesterday, I slept over at Bal's and watched The Notebook. Yeah I know it's more of a chick movie but who gives a damn ? I reallly enjoyed it =). I wanna watch it again, but not alone coz the movie was just not meant to be watched alone.
Bah ... Now I am in the mood to drink and waiting for my parents to sleep so that I can get drunk off my ass. Now, all I gotta hope is that my firewall won't screw me over so that I wont have to type this all over again.

Oh yeah ! If there's anyone who read this, leave me some songs worth getting coz I am getting bored of my music.

Peace ...

PS: Random thoughts : Being in love somewhat makes you a more responsible person, coz you try and not to fuck up so that you can be there for that person.

Merry x mas and Happy new year =D

Ho ho ho !!! Merry X mas and a happy new year !!! Get pissed,laid, high or whatever the fuck you can for me ! Now time for other things ... Here's some of my convos which I think are quote worthy.


" Life's like a giant Jigsaw puzzle. Everything is like a piece of it and when you know about some things, everything just falls in place."

( Me on something that I was talking with MZ a few mins ago. )


" Moms are like those little 3 eyed aliens from Toy Story. They all say the same things and act the same way."

( Me on MOthers behaviour. )


" Girls come and girls go, the only thing that changes, is who they blow. "

( Chuck's Msn message a while back. )


" When a person dies, a library is lost."

( From some author that I can't remember.)


Peace ...